Choices, Choices, Choices

At this point in time, we are staying the course with an adoption from Ethiopia.  Yet many folks are not, and with good reason.  Movement seems to be toward Taiwan (a new service through our agency), Democratic Republic of Congo (not through our agency), or foster-to-adopt.  There are pros and cons to each program, and we have been seriously weighing each one.  I’ve often said throughout our journey to build a family that I wish I had a crystal ball to see what the future looks like, and I’ve never wanted one more than now.  It is entirely conceivable that a year from now, when we are actually getting close on The List, that the program shuts down.  Or speeds up.  Or proceeds with Hague certification.  Or changes the medical policy. Or, or, or—the list is endless.

We could change programs.  It would cost more, we would have to potentially research and meet with new agencies, redo our homestudy, and get many dossier documents revised.  But we are paperwork machines, I’m telling you, so this is not enough to dissuade us.  Yet, again, this is not a guarantee of anything different from where we are in this moment.  Or maybe it is—I’m just not sure.  I really, really get why people are leaving the program—if I had more cajones, I would probably push it as well.  I am terrified of the thought of us being forced to make a change down the road, and knowing we had  a chance to now and didn’t.  And I’m equally terrified that we jump into a program that goes through similarly difficult times as Ethiopia, and regret our decision.  We are two and a half months in to a long, long wait.  Do we jump ship now and move to, say the DRC program, and halve the current Ethiopia wait?  Do we stay the course and hope that things start turning around for Ethiopia?  Do we move to domestic adoption, try embryo adoption?  Raise the preferred age of our child yet again?  These questions, combined with the difficulty an awful lot of families are having getting visas for their children to come home from Ethiopia (after they’ve been legally adopted) is a lot to take right now.

And babies are being born by the bushel all around us and it really increases my anxiety about The Wait.  We keep getting lapped, and that’s frustrating.  We are happy for the families—they are all amazing, wonderful people.  But so are we.   It’s just been a strange week—but maybe people switch programs all the time, and I’m just getting to know more folks through blogging and classes at our agency, so I’m simply noticing it more.  And the fact that it’s Baby Central in Seattle right now highlights our lack of children, and our uncertain future in having any in our house.     

18 months to a referral (minimum—but maybe things will change?  Denial, much?), 12 months before getting a baby home = 2.5 years more of waiting. 

That’s a long time.