I had a weird experience last night. Not sure if it’s good or bad, but it is what it is. I was laying in bed, listening to the rain against the window, reading a good book, snuggled up with a purring kitty, and I thought (for the first time ever) “If this is it, then that’s fine. If the adoption works, fine. If not, fine. Whatever, Universe.”
From what I can tell, our agency has not had a referral in 3 months. Meaning for 3 of the 6 months we have been waiting, no one has moved on The List. How in the world are we going to get a referral in the estimated (and our agency has made it very clear that this is only an educated guess) 10-18 month wait? It’s got to be closer to 24-36 months, right? I mean, 10-18 months would be incredible, but is pretty airy-fairy pie-in-the-sky, right?
We have a lot going on right now outside of our adoption, and all of it exciting and fun. As we don’t get monthly numbers updates, I was planning on touching base with our case manager about our place on The List in November (last time we spoke about it was in May), but think that I might wait until after the holidays. Because honestly, I just don’t want to know. I can’t tell if I’ve just given up and lost hope, or if I’ve accepted our lot in life and that the wait is going to be years.
The Minister of MOWA arrives this weekend and will spend some time with the Ethiopian community in Seattle. I won’t be in town, but Cory will be there to represent. It sounds like court reopens next Weds, so maybe things will start shaking out then and some new norms for wait times will be in place.
I think adoptions will continue, but I think it will be a slow process. The olden-golden days are past. But you are 6 months in, and our agency says 14-16 month wait. So it should be less than a year!
ReplyDeleteHang in there. Sometimes it's good to be distracted, though. Our agency is saying 16-18 months, btw.
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It must be the change in season. I feel the same way. I don't know if it is me becoming disengaged from the process or distancing myself as some self protection mechanism. I too wonder what will I do if it doesn’t happen. I look back to how I was before we decided to adopt. Sure we were happy and we enjoyed our lives - we do that now. But there was such a void in my heart and every once in a while it would just hit me. That I would never have what so many many others have. And it hurt.
ReplyDeleteI sincerely hope and pray that this process works out for us both. That it doesn't take so long that it beats us down to a pulp, and in the end we all become parents.
I think I'm reconciling myself to childlessness , too. It feels dramatic, but the adoption thing is just too unstable to be excited about. I hear ya, sister.
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It is really tough to get through those periods of no referral activity. We have been through our fair share. Our wait was estimated at 12-18 months when we first started, and has consistently increased. (Our agency reviews the estimate every six months.) It is now 22-28 months and we are at 23 and officially in "any day now" mode. It is hard to explain to others not in the know that "any day now" might mean another 3 months, but it's the way it is. It's definitely hard. Hang in there.
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