On my morning walk/run (I pretend to run, but man, I am really sloooow so it's almost like walking fast) with the Maggiedog, a woman was setting a clean, perfect highchair out in front of her house with a sign that said "Free".
So here's the dilemma, and I hate to say it, but I have spent the better part of this morning thinking about it:
*Do I take the high chair, and have to look at it for the next two years while we wait and wait and wait and wait for a child to sit in it?
*Do I take it and put it in storage where I don't have to look at it, but of course will know it's there?
*Do I just walk away and let it go?
What did I choose? Well, I looked at it and looked at it and looked at it, and then walked away. I really didn't know what to do--I mean, when the wait is just getting longer, at what point do you start actually preparing to be a parent?
It's just a really weird position to be in. Everything we are doing and have done to this point to be parents through adoption has been quite abstract. Let's face it, filling out profiles and applying for immigration, while having to generally do with bringing a little one home, has very little to do with having a real, live child sitting in a high chair, attempting to feed their dinner to the dog. It still seems really abstract, and I don't know if I'm ready to have it be more concrete, as it is still so far away.
When we applied to the Ethiopia program, the wait times were 4-10 months for a referral of an infant. So an 18-24 month wait, as it likely stands now, is a really, really, reallyreallyreally big shift in our timeline--I can't think "This will be my last Mother's Day as an outsider" or "This is our last summer just the two of us" or anything along the lines of "By this time next year....". I'm hoping for a referral in 2013. And good golly, that is depressing.
So we're in a holding pattern, where we have been for the last four years, and this will not be the first nor the last time I will be faced with this dilemma. Do I start looking at Lonely Planet Ethiopia, to plan a tour while there? Do I start collecting cute baby things and favorite children's books while waiting? Do we snap up bargains when we see them?
I always figured that when we were around 6 months away from a referral, I would start really thinking about things like maternity leave, baby items, clothing, decorating a nursery, etc. It's just hard to believe that our mark of "6 months from referral" is likely a year from now (or more, but that just doesn't bear thinking about).
Not even sure if this post makes sense, but there you have it.
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