So a typical but annoying conversation this morning with my doctor, who acted excited about our adoption and then said the dreaded, “Well, you know what’s going to happen now! You’ve let it go, so now you’re going to get pregnant!”. As I was in stirrups at the moment, my options were to:
1. Smile awkwardly.
2. Slam her head between my knees.
Since I’m not writing this from jail, I chose the former. I did debate the latter, and wondered what the chances of getting an infertile judge would be, who would listen to the story and immediately order her to pay damages to me.
I never really know what to say to that comment, though. Is it really my ultimate goal to “let it go”? I don’t think I will ever “let it go”, and that’s okay. It’s part of the journey, part of our lives, and will never really leave me. It does get easier every day—especially since we have been on The List. And I think that it has made me a more compassionate, forgiving and less judgmental person all around. But Mother’s Day kind of gets me down, so the doc was playing a bit of Infertility Roulette this morning, although she clearly had no idea. And someday this entire process will be a memory, I do have faith in that. However, the phrase “If memory serves…” is very true; memories do serve, they serve to remind us of what we have survived, how to act in the face of loss and grief, and things to say that are helpful and kind. I’m certainly not perfect, and I’m sure I’ve said all sorts of things to people over the years that were thoughtless at best. And I hope I do better going forward.
As far as the thought that pregnancy is preferable to adoption—well, that is a post for another day.
So as a pick-me-up, I watched a video of Bizkit the Sleepwalking Dog--if you haven’t seen him before, definitely check him out. He runs in his sleep—no, really, he needs to wear a helmet when he naps. When you need a little boost, type Bizkit the Sleepwalking Dog into YouTube. Seriously.