Wednesday, October 26, 2011

Our new adoption spot: Pandora!

We had a conference call with our agency tonight, and it was pretty much what we expected. Actually, it strongly reminded us both of the Post-Failed-IVF “WTF Conversation” with the docs, ie:

1. Things aren’t where we thought they would be.
2. Things have changed.
3. We don’t really know why, but we have some ideas.
4. Here are some options.
5. They are all really expensive.
6. They might work.
8. We assume zero liability for any of them.
9. They are all really expensive.

In a nutshell, adoptions in Ethiopia have slowed down lots-n-lots and will stay that way for the foreseeable future through our agency. New families are being told they have a wait time of three years. Three years. 7 months ago, the wait time for new families was 8 months. So, yeah, you could say adoption from Ethiopia has slowed just a tad.

So, yeah, I've got my Irish up. Feeling snarky. And depressed. And anxious. And extremely upset. Again. Have we just wasted (another) 7 months (yup, 7 months yesterday--not that it matters--)?

It’s one thing when the agency is upbeat. It’s easy to go into denial mode, and believe things like once court opens, things will speed up/this is just a speed bump/it’s a minor slowdown while the process gets worked out. Of course, once the agency itself starts to acknowledge there’s a problem….well, that’s a different story.

Our options: Dual with another program (2 at once--starting over on a lot of stuff), exit the program and find another one entirely, or wait The Wait.

Denial—not just a river in Egypt, right?

Soooooo.....what's next?

I have absolutely no f*&%ing clue. It’s just been such, such, such a long road, with no end in sight.

Is the Ethiopia program deader than disco? Maybe.

Should we change programs? Probably.

Dual ET with another program? Maybe.

Raise the age considerably? Maybe, but likely it won't help.

Give up entirely and spend our free time diving in tropical waters all over the world? Maybe.

It's hard, just hard, to constantly, constantly revise the future. It's just....hard.

So maybe we choose not to. I mean, really?

Maybe we are done, and this is the sign we‘ve been avoiding for so long.

**I fully admit that this post is knee-jerk reaction to the convo tonight. Whoever calls me out in comments for wanting families to fall apart in order for me to purchase a baby will have their email address used to signed up for pay-for-it-later magazines, starting with Cat Fancy.

**Ok, that was kind of judgmental to those who subscribe to Cat Fancy. Sorry. I'm sure it's a super knowledgable publication about fancy cats.


  1. Fucking hell. That's all I can think of.
    Amy x

  2. Wow. I am shocked. I don't even know what to say. I will PM you in the morning.


  3. I'm wondering about raising your requested age not helping. We raised our age and got a referral two months later. There are children on waiting child lists who have no prospects for a family. So I think you should consider an older child, if you feel capable of parenting him/her.

  4. Sounds like you're having a week like mine. Sorry

  5. Oh no, that sounds incredibly hard. I'm so sorry that you're in this position - I do'nt know what to say except I'm glad you've got SOME options, althlough I wish they weren't all so tough :(

  6. This situation sucks. I'm really sorry.

  7. Have you considered another agency? Sometimes, agencies have long wait times b/c they are so popular or b/c they have affiliations with just one orphanage in-country. I really like my agency, because they have neither of these issues...

  8. Oh, man. Ok, unsolicited advice? When have you last checked in on your place on the list? A ton of people dropped out of our program, so we actually moved way up the list even without a lot of referrals. Might be worth checking into before you make any decisions.

  9. This just plain sucks. I wish you didn't have to make yet another decision about this (I suffer from analysis paralysis, so this would bowl me over too). And it is hard to get bad news, but I always appreciated your/our agency being straight with me, giving worst case scenarios and keeping my expectations low because the truth about intl adoptions is that you just don't know much. I'd be wary of an agency that promises quick referrals or glosses over the latest trends out of Ethiopia. I hope you're able to navigate your latest set of challenges/options with out too much loss of sanity. Will be thinking of you.

  10. Get some facts from your agency. Have them tell you how many waiting families they have and where you are in terms of that list. Ask them how many orphanages they work with. This will give you some information to consider before going with another program or agency. All agencies have a slowdown,but some may work with more orphanages or have shorter lists. I am so sorry you have to deal with this.

  11. Ugh. It is so, so frustrating to feel this way. I will say that not all agencies have been affected the way yours has. For example, while I am still waiting at the 24-month mark (yippee) in "any day now" mode, a year ago at this time our wait was expected to be up to 22 months. So, really, it hasn't slowed down that much for us. However, I know things have really changed for your agency and another good one I can think of that had considerably shorter waits a year ago than our agency did. There's no getting around a general slowdown, though, because it does seem to be out there overall. I won't offer any advice because I honestly don't know what I would do in your situation. We are so close, we are riding it out. But I have no idea what we would do if we were earlier in the process. Good luck in thinking it through. It is maddening to feel like you have to keep re-thinking such a major decision, and I really feel for you.

  12. Found you through Kelly at Uninterrupted Prosperity. Are you with WACAP? We are, and have been waiting 24 months now for an adoption of siblings. I participated in one of their webinars last week, too. I feel your pain, I really do!